Which wedding ceremony should you hold first - Civil, Religious, or Traditional?
As Africans and newly engaged couples, you must already be discussing which ceremony you should hold first. Religious affair, legal procedure, or age-old traditions? Is it possible to juggle them all? If not, which one gets the spotlight first? The choice can be quite tricky.
Let’s figure it out together.
Wedding Ceremony Types
Legal or Civil Ceremony
This type involves a contract that's officially recognized by authorities, creating a legal bond between the couple.
Religious / White Wedding
Typically aligned with Christian, Islamic, or other faiths, this ceremony follows religious traditions.
Interfaith Ceremony
When both partners belong to different religions, they come together to create a blend of their respective faiths in a unique hybrid ceremony.
Non-Religious / Secular Ceremony
Ideal for those without religious affiliations who still want a traditional wedding vibe. The customisation possibilities are limitless.
Traditional / Cultural Wedding
Anchored in the traditions of the couple's parents, this ceremony pays homage to heritage.
Cultural Practices: Bride price and dowry traditions explained
For most Africans, the traditional wedding is equated to the Bride-dowry but it isn’t the only traditional ceremony practiced around the world. There are two main traditions: the bride price and the dowry.
Bride Price
Also called bride-dowry, bride-wealth, or bride token, it is a practice frequently witnessed in Africa, where the groom presents the bride's family with gifts and/or payments.
Presently, in certain African nations like Nigeria, Ghana, South Africa, and Cameroon, traditional weddings are legally acknowledged. After the ceremony, registration with relevant authorities is typically required.
This ceremony has become contentious these days. The demands of the bride’s family placed on the groom's family have grown significantly, both in terms of time and expenses. This financial burden has created challenges for young men attempting to meet these evolving family expectations. Surprisingly, originally the bride price did not involve any money exchange. But sadly, for generations now, people perceive this traditional ceremony to just be a financial transaction between both families, the groom’s family buying the bride.
Dowry
More common in South Asia, this is when the bride and her family provide payments or gifts to the groom's family. Initially, it symbolised familial support and a foundation for the couple's new life. However, it has evolved, stirring both support and criticism due to complex implications. In India, the dowry tradition remains robust. It is common for the bride’s family to accumulate 4 - 8 years’ worth of income. These savings are often invested in gold, making the global gold price a major factor in the marriage market in India.
Selecting the Best Ceremony
Selecting your ceremony requires careful consideration, particularly with budget and time limitations at play. Initiate the process by having an in-depth discussion with your partner. Also, tapping into the insights of close family and parents can provide valuable perspectives.
As you explore your options, reflect on the emotional resonance of each ceremony. Which one aligns best with your shared values and the sentiments that define your relationship?
It is also important to address logistics. Can each ceremony fit into your schedule? What location works best? And do you have available funds?
Keep in mind that it might take time to make a decision.
Choosing the best sequence
These tailored schedules ensure that each of your desired ceremonies is thoughtfully integrated into the celebration, whether you're hosting the event in your local city or having a destination wedding.
Scenario 1: Opting for a Triple-Ceremony Extravaganza
If your heart is set on experiencing all three ceremonies – legal, religious, and traditional – in one go, consider these schedules:
you're hosting the wedding at your current location,
Day 1:
Start your day with the legal ceremony around 10:00 or 11:00 in the morning.
Following the legal ceremony, host a standing reception during lunchtime.
Take a breather and allow for an attire change in the afternoon. While I strongly advise couples to rest, the excitement often keeps adrenaline flowing.
In the late afternoon, embrace your white wedding, accompanied by cocktails and a reception
Day 2: Launch your traditional wedding early in the afternoon.
Opting for a Destination Celebration
Officialize your union with the legal ceremony in your home country before heading to the destination.
Arrive at your chosen destination and mark the morning with a church wedding. Following the church ceremony, hold a standing lunch.
Allow your guests and yourself to rest and change.
Honour tradition with a late afternoon traditional ceremony. Then, conclude the day on a celebratory note with dinner and festivities.
Scenario 2: Opting for Dual Ceremonies
If your heart is set on two ceremonies and you're eyeing a seamless celebration, here's a concise plan that suits both local and destination weddings:
- Follow the approach mentioned earlier: begin with one ceremony late in the morning.
- After the morning ceremony, keep the energy flowing with a vibrant standing reception during lunch.
- As the day transitions, embrace the opportunity for your second ceremony late in the afternoon.
- As the sun sets, let the festivities continue with a lively party and reception.
Scenario 3: Embracing a Singular Ceremony
When you've settled on a single ceremony for your wedding, the path ahead becomes straightforward. Here's a concise strategy that balances the main event with ample opportunities for relaxation and celebration:
- Opt for a late morning ceremony, setting the tone for the day's festivities.
- Follow the ceremony with a leisurely lunch, allowing both you and your guests a chance to unwind and rejuvenate.
- The afternoon can then be earmarked for personal time, clothing changes, and capturing cherished photographs.
- As the sun begins to wane, kick off the evening's festivities with a standing cocktail event.
- Transition into a seated dinner, where you and your guests can savour the culinary delights while enjoying each other's company.
- Conclude the celebratory day with a lively party, embracing the spirit of festivity.
Scenario 4: Spacing Out the Celebrations
For those seeking a distinct approach, another frequently observed alternative is to space out each ceremony, assigning them to entirely separate dates or even spanning across different years. This approach suits those who appreciate the significance of each ceremony and wish to commemorate them individually, enriching the overall wedding experience.
Of course this is the most expensive and time consuming option as you will need a budget for each ceremony and plan them individually.
In the realm of wedding ceremonies, your choice of order and style can turn a simple event into a meaningful celebration of love. As we explore various scenarios, it's clear there's no one-size-fits-all answer. Each couple's journey is shaped by values, heritage, and practicality. Whether it's a traditional, legal, or religious path, you have the final say. Partner discussions, family insights, and emotions will guide you.